A concerned email from my 'Mom'.... Author Unknown

Dear Trystan

I don’t mind telling you how much your father and I have enjoyed sharing your awesome blog with the majority of our friends and neighbours, and we want you to know how very proud we are of you. Rodney has even seen fit to mention the details of your adventure to some of his patients, and several were so inspired that they made complete and miraculous recoveries.

It has been my personal understanding that the Great Divide Mountain Bike Route is the longest off-pavement trail in the world, so I must admit that we were somewhat taken aback when you traveled those three miles of interstate highway into Butte, Montana. Given the prevailing weather conditions at the time, however, I thought that it might have been a prudent decision for you to get into town as quickly as possible. Your father is in disagreement with me on this point, maintaining that had you had the forethought to ride on the shoulder of the interstate, it would have qualified as unpaved. Personally, I think this is a technicality, but the Adventure Cycling Association has taken his side, so I will defer on this particular issue. For now.

In any event, I cannot begin to convey to you the dismay and anguish that your ride up Togwotee Pass in the pilot vehicle has caused for your family in general, and us, as your loving parents, in particular. Is it really necessary to remind you that the essence of this, or any, bicycle trip is the actual riding of the bicycle, itself? Both Rodney and I have studied the maps in detail. There appears to be a narrow game trail that you could have utilized to detour around the road construction site, via Presho, South Dakota, thence through Fort Morgan, Colorado, finally arriving back up at the lee side of Togwotee Pass, thereby completely avoiding the road construction and the associated ride in the pilot vehicle. Son, we have missed a considerable amount of sleep trying to convince ourselves that you did not miss that detour on purpose.

We were concerned about your ride in the pilot vehicle to the extent that we felt it necessary to call Caitlin home and have her render a legal decision on the matter. Caitlin is in full agreement with our position. Furthermore, Caitlin has a bill of $10,623.47 for her services, which does include your family-member discount, awaiting you upon your return. Rodney has also taken the liberty to discuss, in detail, the entire sordid event with the pastor. The pastor is, at present, hesitant to come right out and admit that this will result in your being sent straight to Hell, but he has, at least, inferred that you seem to be well on your way. We have also noticed that the neighbours now appear to be snubbing us, and we attribute this entirely to your shameful ride in the pilot vehicle. Also, as an aside, Tim and Wendy have taken this especially hard; they now refuse to leave their house, and are no longer answering their phone.

As your mother, I realize that errors in judgment, even those as unfathomable as your abysmally poor decision to accept the ride in the pilot vehicle, just, well, happen. Predictably, I have been in constant contact with several newspapers and television stations as your trip progressed. Understandably, there has now been an irrepressible uproar among the readership and viewership (and, I might add, a few street riots--no fatalities, yet). It appears to be the consensus of the news crew that has taken up more-or-less-permanent residence on our front lawn that it is not entirely too late to salvage at least minor fragments of your reputation and restore some semblance of our family honour. With our help, there may be hope. But not much. We have a plan.

Please return to Rawlins, Wyoming, also known as, “The Jewel of Wyoming,” posthaste and forthwith. Upon your arrival, you will find that we have reserved extended lodging for you at the town’s least expensive motel, and had it charged to your overlimited credit card. We have rented three stationary exercise bikes, which have been strategically positioned on the dirt next to the unshaded outdoor swimming pool (the one that has been conveniently drained for the summer months). Upon your arrival in Rawlins, you, Simon, and Ben are to mount these exercise bicycles and pedal them a minimum of 4,400 km before resuming your trip on the Great Divide Mountain Bike Route. Although I realize that this will probably add, at a minimum, an additional two months of hard pedaling, and that it is likely that you will subsequently incur the loss of your job, friends (including those of the female persuasion you have had flock multitudinously to your side during your trip), and any semblance of respectability, there appears to be no other reasonable way for you to set things right. Grant, of course, being a New Zealand citizen, is exempt due to the sovereignty issue, so we have rented (also at your expense) a semi-comfortable lawn chair for him from whence he may observe your penance while pelting you three criminals with two-for-a-dollar nut bars as he keeps the blog current.

As your mother, I rightfully expect you to take the obligations of your vacation seriously, and endeavor to remove this unbearable stigma you have forced on your good family name. Mind you, there is no pressure, but Caitlin assures us that the resultant necessity of removing you from our will would present no untoward difficulties.

Looking forward to seeing you, hopefully, before Christmas. If you hurry.

XO
Mum